GHOSTS IN THE MACHINE

The Apparition (2012)

Bad breath kills

Plot: Rule 8 Don't encourage spirits they tend to be arseholes.  

1973 As usual some tits are blatantly ignoring this rule by attempting to contact a recently deceased colleague.  We see footage of this in some old super 8 footage.  Even though its the 1970s & not the 1780s they don't have a photo of him just some crappy drawing (weird).  Not taking it very seriously, all smiling and rocking a table, this bollocks was known as the Charles experiment .  

Cut to 40 years later and a sexy blonde bint is waiting for some nerd-lingers to turn up so they can recreate the Charles experiment, new millennium style (all bluetooth & amps & shit).  There going to try and drag a spirit through to the real world by amplifiying their concentrated belief to the equivalent of 500 people.  One of them is the bad kid from Harry potter but theres no magic here just pure scientific gibberish.  

 It seems to work so they immediately shit themselves and it all goes tits up.  

Leave it Marge, they're not worth it

Then suddenly were watching Ben one of the experimenters (Sebastian Stan) Now a cable guy and his girlfriend Kelly (Ashley Greene) shopping in Costco.   They have a house in a new development were practicaly no one lives she buys a cactus and it DIES straight away Da Da Dar.

Strange things happen in the house doors open, grubby marks appear and this is a brand new house for fucks sake.  Somethings definitely not right but Kelly is wondering round in her underwear so I don't care.

Ben is getting shit loads of messages from Voldermort or whoever he is "call me" "containment failed" "shitballs" that kind of thing with a video attachment a nice found footage bit were they attempt a bit of ghost busting by amping it up to 4,000 peoples worth of belief.  

Doesn't look like it worked as things go from bad to worse in this sub poltergeist bollocks.  They just keep amping it up, dickheads!!!
 

Spirito fuckoficus

Is it good:  No not really, just passable.  The premise is very good not just a seance but a scientific experiment to see if belief can create a ghost is a great idea, when I saw a teaser clip a while ago that appears about half way into the film (a bit of found footage) I thought that'll do me and indeed the first 5 mins are pretty promising and those few found footage type clips are probably the best bits, should have done the whole movie like that.  Ashley Greene is very attractive if you squint your eyes it looks the ghost is groping her tits on the cover,  She was in Twilight as we know an appalling bag of shite so this film may be part of her punishment.  There are a couple of nice effects but like when she nails herself in nothing really makes you jump.  

Turdige: Once the first 5 mins are over its cuts to what seems like a bad teen drama.  Just 2 people you don't really care about being tormented by some mold.  The acting is just a bit dull Tom Felton as Patrick is ok, in fact the movie should have just the first group as Lydia was fit and looked at least interested or even the 70s crew they looked like nice bunch (groovy outfits)

 
Overall:   I don't think its as bad as some of the reviews suggest but defiantly a let down after the trailer.  If you are going to watch it don't watch the trailer below first it will build up your expectations too much.  Alright for a sunday afternoon if you have nothing better to do Poltergeist is a obvious Superior comparison but also The Pulse, White Noise, The signal are all along the same lines but much better.  

Director: Todd Lincoln. Cast: Ashley Greene, Sebastian Stan, Tom Felton, Julianna Guill, Luke Pasqualino




UK Import onlyUSA Buy/Rent$3.99




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