TIME SHIT

Primer (2004)


Plot:   Fuck knows. Time travel really screws you up 
A couple of engineers working for "the man", decide to invent something & make some real cash, Aaron (Shane Carruth) & Abe (David Sullivan) work on a machine to make things weigh less than they should.  The machine seems to work however the field it creates disrupts time around the object as well as mass.  In a very small amount of time & experimentation, considering the immenseness of their discovery, it is transformed into a working time machine.  Time waits for no man I guess.

As its on a budget of $7k this time machine is no TARDIS or DeLorean its a box, crawl in it one end come out in the past at the other.  

I think it works like so. (Rules there's always rules)....    

Set the machine running for a given length of time 
Leave the building so as not to bump into your self 
At that point the future you will exit the machine. 
Go off & study some shit to take back in time & earn big ££££££   
Go back to the machine & get in it to go back in time
So during the time when the machine is running you will be both learning the stuff to make you rich & putting it into practice as 2 separate people in 2 separate places & I guess a third you will also be in the machine going backwards.  

Or something like that (Who the fuck am I Anne Frank I don't know) 
Like any good film the rules are always broken.

The power of time travel corrupts its participants with paranoia hidden agendas, unforeseen doppelgangers,  occasionally falling in a fucked up comatosed state, back up plans, back up thwarting back up plans & back up back up thwarting back up, plans all very confusing but you know their gonna make fuck all money from this no one ever does, dildos. 



 Is it good:  Yes,  For $7,000 they made a great movie.  Won awards & shit (The sundance one), that means fuck all really, but it is a well constructed, even though it is fuck hard to follow.  A paranoid thriller caused by a great sci fi theme & a decent ending.   
 
Turdige:  The low budget does show, not enough to spoil the movie but if you don't like the bottom end (no special effect kind of Sci Fi) give it a miss, but then your a idiot so who cares.  The could be seen as a slightly confusing monotone talky kind of Sci fi.
 
Overall:   The consequences of time travel have been well documented The Terminator, Back to the future I to III, star trek on many occasions especially the new one, and especially Bill & ted have all suffered due to fucking around with time.  This is more on the lines of Timecrimes (2007) an equally good fucked up low budged time buggerer. 

Director: Shane Carruth Cast: Shane Carruth, David Sullivan, Casey Gooden, Anand Upadhyaya




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FICTION OF THE SCIENCE KIND

Sci Fi

Science fiction from Jules Verne & H. G. Wells to Clarke & Asimov to B-Movie classics, the Twilight Zone 50s/60s/70s masterpieces and ever increasing budgets, Avatar cost more to make than Greece would to buy.

Pretty much every story since the dawn of time has been rehashed with a Sci Fi twist.  Its depicted many different versions of the past present and future, alternate realities and dimensions the options are limitless.  

Bitch shot me in the eye

 There are so many sub genres of Sci fi from the pure adventure of the earliest silent film Le Voyage dans La Lune -A Trip to the Moon (1902) & the early film serials of Buck Rogers & Flash Gordon that continued through Forbidden Planet (1956) & Star Trek, where we went out to the stars for adventure

When we stayed at home the aliens came to mess with us in the paranoia of Alien invasion cold war classics such as Invaders from Mars (1953) & Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956).  Idealistic warnings as in you don't change being dicks to one another your fucked - The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

Science at work

The future is hardly ever bright & shinny, even when it seems that way there is usually a secret that's uncovered showing its actually just well shit!!  dystopian futures from  Metropolis (1927), to Dark City (1998) &  The Matrix (1999)

Sod it there's too much to go through here's some reviews.

Over Complicated Mind Buggering Sci fi films

             (1998)        

Time Shit  

             (2004)         

 

Aliens  

ALIEN SCI-FI HORROR

Foul that's 2 Shots you cunt

             (2012)        

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WEIRD SCI FI FILM REVIEWS

Pi (1998)

Plot:   Max (Sean Gullete) hardcore mathematician & loner, he loves Maths, (that's maths with an S), defiantly more than people, he desperately trys to avoid them fuckers.  His only friend is Sol (Mark Margolis), a fellow cleaver bloke, who he muses over the implications of equations with and plays a strategy game called Go.  

Believing the universe is governed by numbers, and maths is the secret to unraveling it all, he devises that with enough data, patterns will occur and outcomes can be perceived.   Basically like all  human slime he basically wants to use it to make some cash.  To him the right algorithm he could rule wall street and others believe this too wanting a piece of the action.

This fuckin hairdrier hurts

Running the program through his ever increasing computer system it goes mental and spews out a long number plus a dead cert prediction, but thinking the computer had jizzed up he chucks the lot.  The long shot comes in, bonus, things would be looking up if it wasn't for these head fuck migraines. 

Puzzled by the number he confides in Sol who tells him maths isn't everything relax put your feet up watch Dawson s Creek (Or whatever was on in 98) its all a bit suspicious.  Max is on one hes becoming obsessed, but he is stuck and increasing intense headaches are driving him mad.

In a diner he "randomly" meets a Hasidic Jewish guy who puts in Gods 10p worth into maths mentioning a numeric code in ancient texts and the search for a 216 digit code that translates as the name of God.  It sets him back on the path giving him new ideas but its some spooky coincidence a 216 digit code is what his program is all about.  

The Wall street business bitch wants to up the stakes offering his the most powerful (pretty crappy looking) chip in Nerd history.   

Can the code be broken, will he side with money, religion or take his buddies advice and just watch some soaps. 

No one fucks with the Jewish Mafia

 Is it good:  Yes,  its fucking great.  Not your typical modern sci fi, movie.  Its extremely low budget, filmed in grainy black and white, Darren Aronofsky first film (Director of the acclaimed Requiem for a Dream, The Fountain, The Wrestler & the Oscar jizzing Black Swan). 

A well paced movie at no point was I bored and the premise behind it was simple (Some people want answers they cant get themselves for money or power) but with a nice Sci fi twist.
 
The soundtrack is fantastic a lesson in 90's alternative dance with a score by PWEI's Clint Mansell & tracks ranging from the trance of Banco De Gaia, to the drum bass of Roni Size, bizarre stuff from the Aphex Twin & random tunes from Orbital  & David Holmes plus the awesome Angel by Massive Attack.
 

Turdige:  Maths ain't that interesting, I have seen reviews that state the maths is flawed, of course the maths us flawed because a (god) number to everything doesn't exist (unless it is 42) You don't need to know the functionality of a warp engine to enjoy Star Trek (tell you a secret they don't work please don't let that spoil the next film).
 
Overall:   You can take this movie to your teacher and say maths is fucking dangerous I want nothing to do with it.  Plus you don't actually learn anything.  A definite hit 
 

Director: Darren Aronofsky Cast: Sean Gullette Mark Margolis Ben Shenkman Pamela Hart Stephen Pearlman






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PARASITE, MIND CONTROL - INSANITY INDUCED MINDFUNK - MOVIES

The Bay (2012)

Plot:   Chesapeake Bay, Maryland a smallish coastal town has a deep dark secret, every bodies dead but it must have been the town all the unpopular people go to live as it seems nobody has given one fuck about it for 3 years.  So its up to our intrepid survivor/reporter Donna Thompson  (Kether Donohue) to break this shit wide open, she was there man, she knows.  The Government confiscate all video footage from every source possible she's telling me (well apart from all this stuff your showing me, daft bint).  The Government didn't want you to see this (Well fuck the government they don tell me what to do...  I'm watching it)  

Shit I Should have used a condom

Its tourist season & there's a festival is going on, it should be all smiles & candy but people are getting sick, the stuff your face crab eating contest is a washout of vomit.  People are coming out in boils and Lesions, the hospital is becoming overrun with cases so the chief doc rings the CDC who are as fucking useless as pretty much every other call center in the world.   

Her news report film is inter-cut with other news/scientist/eco warrior & personal films showing millions of dead fish clips from the hospital showing the effects & police footage showing people going nuts.  Surprisingly the major doesn't seem to give a shit

Can the CDC help, will they isolate the cause and help the people or will they say  
"take off and nuke the entire site from orbit" "only way to be sure".

Open up and say Ahhh

 Is it good:  Yes, What does a director of some of the most acclaimed movies of the 80s/90s (Tin men, Rain man, Good Morning, Vietnam, The Natural, Sleepers, Wag the Dog) do when things start to dry up, he joins with the producers of Paranormal Activity (2007) & Insidious (2010) to make a thinking mans found footage film about super chicken shit powered parasites, of course.   Sorry "thinking mans" may be a stretch but its a pretty effective horror/thriller cover up story. 

The science behind it is nicely worked I first heard of the cymothoa (tongue eating parasite) on QI  (UK.TV), not as quite on the level of the Candiru but up there. It sounds unbelievable that such a thing could exist, so taking it a stage further is less of a stretch than you would think.  With all the talk of steroids in the bay mutating the Isopods it wouldn't surprise me if bouncers are shooting up chicken shit soon!!  
Most films are recorded in the found footage style because its cheaper, however this is not one of those low budget films, there is an extensive cast, locations, vehicles, make up effects basically a proper film but done in a cut documentary style.  


The escalation of the effects are great the whole film is more or less set over one day and by the end people are chewed up tongues eaten limbs amputated.  Great stuff

Hello

Turdige:  The film goes a bit far with its "we haven't got clue" how this happened, throwing in nuclear leaks at one point.  Also the part with the, oblivious to it all, couple & baby retuning from a boat trip (obviously filming everything) walking around the half eaten corpses with their child should have been cut it was just annoying that it existed (Although it does provide one of the biggest scares). It should have stuck with the parasites instead of occasionally having clips were they seem like Piranhas.
 
Overall:   If you hate found footage then maybe you should take the governments advice and not watch




 If you don't hate or don't particularly give it a go its well worth 1.3 hours of your life.  Thinking about conspiracies this ecological disaster movie may just have been funded by Evian to put you off tap water.  (David Icke told me)




 Director: Barry Levinson Cast: Kristen Connolly, Kether Donohue, Jane McNeill, Christopher Denham





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Bug (2006)


Plot:   Agnes (Ashley Judd) is a mess, living in a scruffy motel, indulging in drink and drugs worried about her abusive ex Jerry (Harry Connick Jr) who has just been released from prison.  

Things aren’t exactly going well but they get a fuck load worse when she's introduced to Peter (Michael Shannon) a seemingly nice timid guy who makes her feel wanted again.  Giving all her trust to him until he draws her into a Bug infested world of madness. 

I found a fucking pube

  
Is it good:  Yes, William Friedkin the legend behind the Exorcist (1973) hasn’t had a mention in a while but he proves with Bug that he can still get in your head.  Not a conventional horror more a drug induced sub Cronenberg flick.  

Ashley Judd shows has always been damn good, criminally underrated actress with nipples that could cut glass & they make a much appreciated appearance.
 She is damaged and susceptible to abuse, agreeing it’s her fault when her ex returns and beats her.  Which could be a contributing factor to being overcome by the errr bugginess of life.

That escalated quickly

It’s open to interpretation, what it’s all about, whether he is a veteran that has been experimented on, or just a schizophrenic with an infections personality, or as I think bug is just a metaphor for & effect of the crack or meth they seem to be on.  It would explain there deterioration, paranoia and alienation from others while relying just on each other drawn into their own world.  I am probably completely wrong but I’m happy not to know just like I never knew what the fuck Cronenberg or Lynch were doing.

As with the Exorcist the claustrophobic intensity a single room film gives is what Friedkin does best. 

Also there is a nice touch of gore mostly self inflicted.









 

De-bugged

Turdige:  The doctor/whatever?? was bit of a weak link not convincing as, well, anything.  Not much else maybe could have done with a bit more blood & nipples but that’s what rewind & freeze-frame were invented for.  



Overall:   Great acting and atmosphere for a limited location film. Hot sweaty claustrophobic felt difficult to breathe just watching it.   An excellent descent into madness film that really draws you in to the world of the mind fucked.  


  
 

 
Director: William Friedkin Cast: Ashley Judd, Michael Shannon, Harry Connick Jr, Lynn Collins, Brían F. O'Byrne





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